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We all know that the truth hurts. Back in the days, marrying a nurse was not considered to be the best for any man or women for some obvious reasons. One legitimate reason was that nurses do not spend enough quality time with their spouses and children, due to the demands of the job. Women in teaching professions and other clerical work were mostly considered, and for equally good reasons: one good reason is that teachers make the best housewives because they are always home after school, to cook and nurture their children, help them do homework, etc.
The number of families disintegrating among Nigerians living in New York and other states, marriage to nurses is alarming. This is an epidemic affecting over 84 percent of our families here in New York. In the early 1980s, most men in quest of wives rushed to Nigeria to marry.
This union starts from home. The idea of going home and choosing a wife was not considered a gamble then; the gamble to marry from home, especially those who have the greatest potential to make money, influenced the rush to nursing and medical school. What was an abandoned profession in the area of marriage now becomes a hot cake.
In the modern world, selection of a mate is largely a decision made jointly by the prospective bride or groom, aimed at satisfying the emotional and sexual needs of the individual. The choice of mates in Nigeria and all over the world is based on such facts as physical attractiveness, emotional compatibility and most importantly romantic love and companionship. All of the above was not considered or were completely ignored during the quest for a wife. All the man wanted was a nurse.
Some of these nurses will laugh at the men, for they all knew it was not a real marriage; it was just a ticket to the United States. Within a short time in the fake marriages, the wives, for some personal reasons would find fault with their husbands because they already have plans to leave as soon as they are situated, and because they came with a different agenda.
In some extreme situations, there may be family issues that would pop up, and the women are frequently reminded of their role in the family and how she was brought to America. Some of their disputes may involve abuse, humiliation, sometimes physical fights. The marriage will end sooner than planned, leaving the children without a father-figure.
About 78% of Nigerian nurses are in female-headed households. This is not our culture. Marriage is characterized by respect, trust, affection and loyalty. Relationships within the family are foundation for future relationships. Our children need the continuity of a loving mother and father, a secure and constant environment in which to learn, to trust, and to develop good self-esteem needed to thrive.
Marriage probably evolved as the best way to pool the labor of men and women to enable families to subsist and assure that children survive to independence. The earliest purpose of marriage was to make strategic alliances with other people, to turn strangers into relatives. Our mindset has further shifted over the past years.
Today the minute one partner is faced with dissatisfaction, feeling stressed out or neglected, having a partner who is not overly expressive or who works too hard or doesn’t initiate sex often, then the communal ideal we bring to marriage is jettisoned and individualistic mentality asserts itself. Nigerians value marriage more than people do in any other culture, and it holds a central place in our dreams. The decay of the marriage continues to lead to more problems such as infidelity, statements of quitting the union, sex starvation, unsatisfactory sexual performance, and loneliness.
These complications that arise will disintegrate the marriage to the bone. These include: sexual starvation, the wife threatening to call the police, in order to give the man a bad name with felony assault and battery, even child abuse, or any accusations that will destroy the man for life.
Marriage vows are seriously violated at this point. Men’s common complaints are sexual starvation, shift job, lack of romantic love, lack of hygiene. Wives, wives obesity lack of quality time spent with family members. And most nursing wives lack the idea of fashion, no idea of Victoria Secret or other sexy lingerie. Most of them lack time for personal attention such as going to the salon to take care of their hair and most of the time they wear synthetic hair or wigs, with heavy make ups during Nigerian outings, lack of time for manicure or pedicure or in general personal grooming, and lack of care of their immediate family members.
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MARRYING A NURSE
Quote they take better care of their patients then their family members. Their wives( nurses) are married to their jobs. The only thing in their minds is the dollar sign. More seriously is lack of companionship due to the 12 hour shifts 3 or 4 days out the week and the occupational stress that comes with the job. When they stand up for 12 hours all night and return the next morning, naturally what they need is sleep and rest. If you want their attention or sex you must be kidding yourself because they are half dead, stressed out tired, worn out, very irritable, accompanied by horrible bedroom manners. Most of the men interviewed reported that their wives do not satisfy them sexually and they go to bed with their jean pants or work uniform on.
Role revision, children are more attached to their grandparents than to their biological mother and father for some reason because parents are not home. Parents are either at work or half dead sleeping. Grandparents and mother-in-laws are overstaying their welcome in the United States. Their Visas was only intended for a brief period, but sometimes the In-laws have stayed to help out domestically. Many had spent 8 to 10 years raising their grandchildren and also interfering with marriages which may lead to separation and divorce. All culture has established a variety of ways to legitimizing marriages. Nigerians in particular have many ways of dealing with separation and divorce. Divorce arrangement found in this country varies widely according to reasons for divorce. Although marriages break down in all societies while most break ups in Nigerian families are mostly those who are married to nurses and other medical professions. A number of factors have been cited for the dramatic rise of divorce among Nigerian families in United States, First industrialization and Urbanizations have undermined the traditional functions of the family, when the basic unit of income from the head of household was enough for the family not in todays world It takes two incomes to maintain our families and the economic ties holding the family together are weakened The notion of recreations and leisure time changed from family based activities to attendance to men hanging out in bars and restaurants till 5.00 am This erosion of family function has increased in divorce among Nigerians marring nurses. Secondly the rise of individualism and the pursuit of personal happiness have led some people to spend less time with family members and made some less willing to make sacrifices for the good of the family The women who has been raised and supported by husband to her current professional level sees him as an unworthy to have her as a wife, because she is now making turns of dollars and her husband is making minimum wage. In an effect to see your wives pay check or to control her spending which is the worst mistake men make which leads to violence, hatred, separation, divorce or even death. According to Ejekam (Houston) “Nigerians, especially the Igbos have a very inflexible culture engraved in marriage and family. Divorce in the United States among Nigerians is relatively easy to obtain. Spouse is no longer required to prove infidelity or physical abuse. Rather, today in most states a wife or husband seeking to end a marriage needs to claim only that the marriage has failed or that there are irreconcilable differences. In Nigerian society living in United States. Reasons for divorce are financial co-mingled property, lack of companionship ----- wife away from home most of the time, lack of romantic love, lack of attractiveness, lack of quality time spent with family members and above all where is the money? Is marrying a nurse s blessing or a curse. As a black man in America, you are guilty until proven innocent. Therefore, if you insist on living like a husband in Africa please save your marriage till you relocate back home. Otherwise you may find yourself in jail, parole, or even dead. If you are one of the lucky or blessed ones with an understanding wife, count your blessings. Please do not seek her pay check or control her finances you will find yourself kicked out of the house. You cannot have your cake and eat it too if she is paying the mortgage and contributing to the finical affairs of the family. Either you put up or you shut up. As a matter of fact the two major joints located in the Bronx are managed and operated by two gentlemen married to nurses They operate from morning to sun rise. The question is this who is raising their children while wife is at work .Commitment is the ability to sustain an investment to honor values over momentary feelings The irony of course , is that while we want happiness, it is not a moment by moment experience ;deepest, most enduring form of happiness is the result of sustained emotional investment in other people .In conclusion nursing profession is not marriage friendly.
©2012 Community Newspaper Group
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